The stress goes on, and on, and on.

Dear family and friends, 

I think I can honestly say this has been the hardest week of my mission, at least in some ways. I am in someways grateful that I am experiencing this though. As Welch Kaicho told me, I have a great opportunity to learn through this challenge, probably mostly about myself, and I am hoping to be successful in learning about myself, and growing from this struggle. 

Monday we had a good pday. We went up to Kyoto for some shaved ice, which was way good, but also not cheap. I had Sadachi flavor, which is some kind of citrus. But I couldn't find an English translation. That night we visited Reisa chan, cause it was her birthday, and had a good time with her. We also got to talk over the phone to Reisa chans moms friend, a potential investigator. She seems really nice. 

Tuesday we worked on finishing last weeks SKK, which was a little ridiculous in my opinion, it just got put off so many times last week. We talked about less actives and the ward mission vision with the bishop, who happened to be at the church, and then did some companionship inventory. That helped some, but there were a lot of misunderstandings that happened within there, which kind of made things worse. Oh, lovely language struggles. 

Wednesday I collapsed, a bit. The stress of all of this change, and my companion and my relationship not being good just really hit me when she got mad at me again, and I had to take some time to figure things out. I felt I needed to talk with Welch Kaicho and get some advice, but since he was in zone conference in another zone, I mailed Welch Shimai and asked her to have him call me when he could. 

Thursday I got the call from Welch Kaicho, and he gave me some good advice that helped. I also talked with a senior elder, called to help when stress becomes overwhelming, that also helped. I know I want to still work with omisaki Shimai to see miracles. By the end of this week, I realized that that would have to be through the lord. And that is ok. Thursday we once again started SKK, though we never finished last weeks, and I got her to really introduce me to the area, at least started to. 

Friday we had district meeting, which was good, and then we went from that to our kokan. I was with Zhou Shimai in Abeno, and this time, omisaki Shimai and Wagstaff Shimai went back to Hirakata. I lovedFriday. We met a part active member, who is only that way cause of her health, and had lunch with her. And then we helped another member clean her house. It was way gross, but the poor sister can hardly move, and all movement is painful for her, and she still tried to help. It was also cool to see how strong her faith was as we shared a message with her. We ended that night with a Skype lesson. They have an investigator with a baptismal date, who could meet, but lives to far away to have come. It was brief, but way good, she struggles to understand the Book of Mormon, but really wants to. 

Saturday the kokan continued up until stake conference. We visited a less active who owns a bread shop, and connected the gospel, and keeping commandments to her pan, which was a way cool connection. I then attended the Abeno missionary coordination meeting. Their dendoshunnin is cool, he does karate, I could tell by his karate outfit. We then visited a referral they got from a less active at his glasses shop. We were going to start introducing him to God with a glasses tatoe, but we quickly found out he knew a lot more than we had thought, and wants to know what the difference with all of the Christian churches are. Zhou Shimai and I were both a little shocked, not every day you find someone who knows about Christ in Japan. Stake conference was great Saturday night, but Sunday was better. 

Sunday we also had a bit of more kokaning. Zhou Shimai and I were going to go pick up a less active, which ended up not happening. She called and said she wasn't coming. We arrived at the church, and talked with people, and then the Welchs arrived. I got to take a walk with Welch Shimai and talk with her for a bit, receive some counsel from her. After stake conference I got to talk with Welch Kaicho, and talking with both of them really helped a lot. I knew from the moment I felt overwhelmed, that I could trust them, and that they would help me. I can feel their love when I'm around them. They are easy to trust. I was nervous to return to Hirakata, return to just the two of us, but it was ok. There were a lot of bumpy moments, and some extra awkward ones, but it turned out ok. We met a less active, who just moved into the area, and then we had dinner with one of the cutest little families. On the way there it poured rain, and we didn't have our kappas, so we got soaking wet. The less active had hers, and wasn't much better off. The members freaked out and we're all worried about us catching a cold. Seto Shimai grabbed some of her clothes for us to wear, and got us all dried off. They really worry about colds in Japan, I was perfectly ok, and would've been fine, but they worry. I had to make sure I didn't laugh, it was a bit extreme for me. One of the little boys got confused because I was wearing his moms clothes, and wanted me to pick him up. He was so cute, and I wanted to, but obviously couldn't. 

I know omisaki Shimai is also struggling, and I want to help her, but I have no clue, and sometimes when I try it seems to make things worse. I don't understand her, and she doesn't understand me. Sometimes I have felt like she loves me because I am her doryo, out of obligation. Yesterday, she declared that she loves me enough to die for me, because I'm her doryo. One, it didn't feel real to me, and two, that just made me awkward. I have loved all of my companions, and would do anything for them, protect them to the best of my ability, give it my all, but I wouldn't tell them I'd die for them. I would just pray nothing like that ever happened. She also doesn't believe in the language barrier, but to me there is one, and also a culture barrier. Wish me luck as I go forth and strive to learn from this experience. I love and miss you all! You are all amazing, remember that. 

Now a spiritual thought, since this week probably wasn't the most uplifting email.

I have been thinking a lot lately about want and should. Those two words. When we think of should, there is a sense that if I do something, someone else will do something. That is what should happen. But, we only have control of our own actions. Thus when we do things in life because we should do them, the end result isn't happiness. In lots of cases, it is the very opposite. But, when we don't care about pleasing others, when we do what we want to do, then it doesn't matter what the other person does, because we will be happy. We won't have felt forced into doing something. I think the gospel abides by this principle. In the pre existence, Satan wanted to force us all to be righteous, and thus we would all be saved. We would all always do what we should do, but Christ offered us the better way. He voluntarily chose to save all of us, and gave us the right to choose what we want to do, because that is what he wanted to do. Of course there will be consequences when we don't follow the commandments, because those are what lead us to happiness, but we can't be happy following the commandments anyways, unless that is what we want to do. Because Christ wanted to save us, and then performed the atonement, we have been given the opportunity to find real happiness. But only if we want to. This life is about choices, and the choices we make should be our own. Examine your motivation for doing what you do, and if it's not a want right now, but you want it to be that way, find a way to change it. Rely on the lord to help your desires change, so you will want the joys that the gospel brings, and I know that it will bring you happiness. The following is a quote from the talk the fourth missionary. "Don't think that you can't do this. Often we are deceived to think that the gospel is harder than what it is. Life is hard, not the gospel. You can do what I have explained to you today. Do you hear that? You can. lfyou don't, it will only be because you choose not to, not because-you can't, not because it is too hard." I know that we can all receive the joy of the gospel as we choose to follow our lord, and look to him, not the people around us. I know that he loves us, and he will help us to receive joy as we choose to follow him. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ amen. 

Love, Sister Makin

At Reisa chan and akatsuka shimais